Hey everyone! I was on a little vacation. I did not go anywhere. I caught up on sleep and just lounge around. It felt good to not have to deal with work. I stayed away from the internet until now. Just want to relax and unwind. I hope everyone is doing fine. I am going to catch up on all the entries.

Just something I have thinking. Is doing the right thing always the best thing for me? I wonder sometimes when I make the right choice if it was the best thing for me. Do I need to be selfish at times? I have self doubt. Always second guessing the choices I make. I try to do the right thing. I believe in being nice and doing random acts of kindness to my friends. I like doing things that is unexpected. Maybe I wish I knew if someone was thinking of me. Makes me feel wanted. It's the loneliness talking. Just feeling a little blue.

I am excited! I am a member of Linkin Park fan club. Member got to buy tickets a few days before everyone else. I got mine. It is in the pit area right in front of the stage. Along with LP, supposedly My Chemical Romance (also a big fan of theirs), Taking Back Sunday, Placebo, and one other band will be joining them. For 76 bucks, I am glad there will be five bands at the concert. Can't wait to see them. I got the new album. It is different from their other stuff but it is still good. Don't laugh but I am a fan of Kelly Clarkson too. I got a ticket to see her too. I just like her music. Don't know why. I am glad to have something to look forward to.

I went to the Gwen Stefani concert. It was amazing. Lady Sovereign open was the first act. Then Akon was next. They were pretty cool. But Gwen rocked. It was really cool. I was in the back but I was in the middle of the arena and I had a good view of everything. Gwen decided to set up a song close to the back so everyone had a chance to see her. It was really cool. I got a concert shirt of Gwen and Akon. Next up for me is seeing Linkin Park. A theater is airing a performance of LP on the big screen. I am looking forward to seeing them doing some new material. All in all a good time for me in music.

Just a little post. I am very sad about the tragic event at Virginia Tech. The killer was mad at the world especially at rich people I think. I don't know what else to say. Very tragic....

I have not been on here in awhile. I went on a raod trip to South Carolina this past week. It was very cold. Went down to 30 degrees. The reason I was up there was to visit some friends who live in Charleston. Very beautiful. Lots of old southern charm and history. I didn't get to take any pics. I ate a lot and drank a lot. I am trying to get updates here and read all the entries I have missed. I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend.

Letting go is a hard thing for me to do. Some friends of mine reminded me of all the nice things I have done but I don't remember a lot of it. I remember all the mistakes I have made. All my life my dad reminded me how I failed and how I messed up. He will never let me forget all the mistakes I done and reminded me everyday about them. I now have a habit of keeping an inventory of every failure I committed, all the people I have let down, all the people I was mean to and all the people I hurt. I know I did some things I am not proud of. I was young and immature. I have try to learn and not commit them again but at the same time I can't let it go. I have to carry the weight of burden and guilt. I feel I must atone for these mistakes. I can't have happiness unless I have made up for my wrong choices. I can't let go...I just can't...

A boring day so far. It is starting to get hot here. I miss the cool weather. I have not been getting a lot of sleep. I don't what is the matter with me. I go through some days where I can't sleep for few days and then all of sudden I will be so exhausted I just pass out and wake up the next day. It just sucks I am not getting any sleep.

Man, I am so tired. This past weekend I went to Megacon. It was really fun. I bought a few things. I got this cool shirt. It has this character called Owley. Very cool. I got the first issue of x-23. Some people had some cool customes. It looked like they put in some work into it. All in all I had a great time.

Man, it is cold right now. I am at work. I wish I was in my nice warm bed. UUGGHH!! Nothing much to report. I got a new computer. It is an i-mac. I like apple computers. I really can't afford it but I needed to get a new one. On a sad note, my mom's friend, Mary, lost her mom a couple of days ago. Her mom had Alzheimers disease. She was in the later stages. I felt so sad for her. I called her and didn't know what to say. It felt so awkward.

Hi, everyone. I am sorry I have not updated in awhile. Some serious stuff happened aat work. We are under new management. They have decided to close one of our stations down. Layoffs have occurred. I am lucky I am not one of them. But some of my crew members were not so lucky. It is really weird to work with them knowing they won't be here in a couple of months. I am also in getting involved in watching 24. I have never watch a full season. I bought the first for like 18 bucks. I am really liking it. I went out and got seasons 2 and 3. They were having a sale where you buy one and you get another free. Great deal. It takes my mind off things. Like I know Valentine's day is coming soon. I was at the store today and I saw a sea of pink and red. Man, I am depressed. I know I need to go out and meet new people. Just not good at it. I like just hanging out and not wanting to try to impress someone. I know it will happen sometime in the future. I try not to think about it but it is hard sometimes. I miss the little things like calling and saying Hi and I miss you or having someone there when I get home or vice versa. Just a little sad and lonely:(

Just want to wish everyone a merry christmas! Hope all you guys be safe and get lots of presents. I got the second volume of Animaniacs. Very happy about it. Also got a cool hat and a gift certificate. All of my friends loved their presents. I was so happy to give them and they all like what they got. Happy holidays:)

Can't wait for Pirates of the Caribbean 2 to come out. I love that movie. I am glad to see some of you are getting some shopping done. I am lazy about getting presents. Dealing with all the people and waiting in long lines doesn't appeal to me. But I like seeing my friend's faces when they open their presents. It makes me feel good to see they like their gifts. That is only thing I like about the holidays. I hope everyone is doing well.

Hi to everyone. I am sorry I have not been on in awhile. I have been swamped at work and I got the flu over Thanksgiving. Still trying to get over now. I hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. Christmas is around the corner. I should be depressed during this part of the year but I feel content. I don't have anyone to buy gifts for only me. There are dvds coming out I want to get. Clerks 2, Superman Returns, Alias season 5 to name a few. Anyways, I don't have a whole lot going on. Still looking for the love of my life...Who knows?

Well, it is my birthday and I am stuck at work. No big deal. I really don't celebrate it. I bought myself the new My Chemical Romance cd. It is really good. I only got to listen through it once but I like what I heard. I really don't have anything special planned. My parents are coming to visit me on Friday. It is going to awkward and uncomfortable because my dad is coming with my mom. My dad kicked me out when I was young and we didn't talk to each other until last year. It was about ten years. We don't get along and I get really nervous and weird around him. But my mom wants us to get together so I am doing this for her. She ahs helped me out alot and it is the least I can do for her. Anyways, I am getting excited because there are a few things coming out I am planning to get. The new Final Fantasy XII is coming soon and so is the new Nintendo system. I can't wait....I hope everyone has a great Halloween!!!

I was watching an episode of LOST where a father had to do some shady acts to get his son back. It got me thinking about morals and principles. I don't have kids so I don't know how it feels when a child gets kidnapped and how far a parent will go to get them back. How far would one go? Would you kill someone? I don't know if I could. I couldn't look my kid in the eyes anymore knowing I killed someone to get them back. I guess desparation and fear of being helpless would make people compromise and do whatever it takes to get their kids back.

I've been thinking about random things. One thing pops up in my head....happiness. The pursuit of it....many try to attain this goal. What makes people happy? Money? Love? Sex? Being famous? Is it a state of mind? I don't know, myself. It's different things to different people. It is a simple goal but I think it is hard to get. For me, I need to simplify things. Keep things simple in life and see who I am and what I have in my life. I get caught up in work and looking for a love and sometimes I don't see what I have right now. I like and care for all my friends here at LJ and in my life. Okay, my head is beginning to hurt. Too much thinking....need to stop now...

Just some things I was thinking...I wonder about my and other people's insecurities. Things people see in themselves as flaws. For me, I know I have many flaws. I try to work on them and improve. Sometimes, I lose hope and just give up on myself. I begin to think how worthless I feel. I know I should feel positive and see good things in me. It's hard to break this way of thinking since I have been feeling this way since I was a kid. Is it my fear of facing myself and seeing who I am? Can I like myself? I know it starts with me. If I can't see what is good in me, how can I expect others to see it? I hope there is someone out there for me....

Nothing going on. My apartment has not air conditioning for about five days. It is like a sauna. The temperature now is about 93 degrees. Tough to sleep. The maintanance guys have looked over it and had to order a whole new unit. They don't know how long it is going to take. It sucks. Let's see...my personal life is non-existent. I am excited because I am a big Veronica Mars fan. The second season just came out on dvd. I love that show. Lost season 2 is coming soon. So is Gilmore girls. I am looking forward to getting them. Ok, I need to get laid....:)

Sorry I have not update in awhile. Not a whole lot has happened. My friend got a new job and needs a roommate. She called me and ask me to move in with her. I am excited to finally get a roommate. I have been struggling to keep up with all my bills just living by myself. With a rommmate, I can finally save some money and have some extra to spend on things I want. On a different note, I am in a place in my life where I feel scared. I am still single and wondering if there is someone out there. I am not whining about how bad my life is right now. I have a job and a place to live. I guess I need to realize how I feel about myself. I don't see a whole lot. There is nothing special about me and I don't see why anyone would want to be with me. I guess that is the reason I am so scared. Because if I am so worthless, I will be all alone. Maybe someday, I will wake up and realize there is something I can see in me that is worth something....I don't know.....